Providing What Is Essential

I am among many who agree that the key to creating a fulfilled life is the development of a positive a sense of self, being loved for and in spite of one’s essential self, a willingness to learn from others who are trusted, by accepting challenges as opportunities for learning, and by developing resilience.

These are the life long gifts we can provide our children, whom we are, after all raising to be adults.

Providing what is essential is the key:

  • deep connections

  • a feeling of value

  • opportunities to make meaningful contributions

  • being loved for one’s authentic self

WHAT DO YOUNG CHILDREN REALLY NEED

TO THRIVE AND GROW?

Deep connection-not just attention, or distractions  

Deep respect-not just pandering or impatience 

Deep appreciation-not just a superficial acceptance   

Deep understanding -not just tolerance or indulgence 

Deep time in the natural world-not just looking out the window 

THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN THEY

GROW INTO THEIR RIGHTFUL DESTINY 

To build an inner foundation of integrity 

To  know oneself and others as worthy 

To know and trust one’s capabilities 

To feel valued and value others 

To make positive choices 

To help to make the world a more beautiful place 

To know one’s basic needs can be met within the context of family or community 

To become a lifelong seeker of self knowledge and understanding 

To accept others as they themselves are worthy of being accepted

 
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HOW DO WE PROVIDE WHAT IS ESSENTIAL? 

Rethink our role from “teacher” to guide

Protect children from the worries of the adult world

Include children in the activities of day-to-day life

Recognize that children develop in their own way, and there’s no one way. Children are born with their own unique learning style and way of relating to and exploring their world

Create environments which support self-reliant independence 

Expect cooperation: 

Anything you do for the child find one way for them to participate, no matter how small

Focus on the moment, not the end goal 

“A need is something that if you had to live without it, you will never reach your full potential”

Jeanine Fitzgerald, The Fitzgerald Institute of Lifelong Learning

Address meltdowns, resistance, screaming, noncompliance, tantrums, hitting, (etc): by,

  • Being responsive not reactive

  • Avoiding giving attention to the unwanted behavior

  • Knowing that lectures are not effective

  • Recognizing that incidents of unwanted behavior are not teachable moments

  • Using less language (no matter how much expressive language the child uses)

  • Supporting resilience vs. rescuing with emotional indulgence or material goods

  • Acknowledging what is expressed,  stating  the simple facts, and then  providing appropriate options

  • Realizing that the young child does not have the maturity of experience to be rational

And by creating sustainable responses…as we attend to the awesome (full of awe!) and inspiring experience of raising contented, loving, contributing adults

Marcia S. Hubelbank